Same, same, but different

Eventful few days here. After a nice 3 day weekend and an uncharacteristically beautiful Yom Kippur, I returned to work on Thursday to a busy workload. We had a group touring the farm and treated them to a grain demo (which ended up being super interesting and informative for moi, as well!) and we had a busy night in the restaurant. After spending hours pitting plums for pickling, and scaling loaves of brioche, I set out to make 5000 chocolate chip cookies. Yes, 5000. Scale, mix, scale, roll, cut, bake, and repeat. All night. I wonder if I will always be one of those "the grass is always greener" people, because I found myself longing for the high-demand chaos of dinner service, despite all of the days prior when, in the midst of said chaos, I could be seen daydreaming about the calm, monotony of the bakeshop. Neither are better or worse than the other, and both have their merits, yet I still seem to have a hard time being content or present in the midst of either. Awareness of this distraction made it only slightly easier to refocus and actually complete the task. We'll get back to that...I was also distracted by this worsening pain in my side and back, that eventually got so bad that I left work early to see a doctor. Turns out, the back pain and cramps I had been chocking up to being a muscular issue for almost a year, was actually shingles. I was given some pain medication and an antiviral, and sent on my way. I am not a good patient as it is, but I am especially not a good bed-ridden patient. I already feel inferior at Stone Barns and, as an intern, there is already within me a compulsion to prove myself. Throw in a physical challenge like this and I find that my fear that I will be treated too delicately runs rampant. Having said that, it would be easy for me to give in to this fear and push myself beyond the physical limits that I should, (and I am very compelled to do so) but I have gained the wisdom to know that this just a projection of insecurity and that, in the end, I will do much more damage to my body and my ability to be a pastry chef if I can't honestly assess my situation and rest when it is needed. Back to the bakery...I made a series of careless errors in the last few days, about which I am embarrassed. I burned 3 trays of cookies at the end of my shift, because I forgot to set the timer (a rookie mistake), and I pushed a half sheet of cooling butternut squash off of the speed rack because I was being hasty as I pulled cookies from the oven. I was ashamed to waste the product, but there is no point on dwelling; the best thing in situations like these is to refocus, be more mentally aware, and move on. I am learning the delicate balance of efficiency and quality (key: think less, do more), and after being hounded daily about "the details", I am finally finding success in the details. The time at the farm is flying past, and I am grateful for the lessons that my body is absorbing. Tomorrow the restaurant is closed, but we are in need of so much prep for the upcoming Harvest Fest this weekend, that I will be there for several hours. After taking a couple early days due to the shingles, I am eager to make up my hours and regain some credibility with my pastry chef. Objectives for tomorrow: push myself, but not to the point of exhaustion; stay focused and make fewer careless errors; increase efficiency and ask more thoughtful questions.